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Tonight I was assailed by the fear of getting married. I think a lot of it is the magnitude of the decision and commitment to get married. Don't get me wrong. I'm not wanting to back out of it by any means, but I am prepared to say that I am more nervous than well.....I am extremely nervous.
and fearful.
I had no IDEA that I would be this nervous and fearful.
I am fearful that I will miss the big picture.
I am fearful that I cannot/will not be the man I need to be for my family.
I am fearful that it will take extreme consequences for me to find true freedom.
I am fearful that I will fail to learn intimacy with God and thus fail to show true intimacy with my wife-to-be.
I am fearful my baggage will weigh more than just me down.
I am fearful I will be too messy for marriage.
I am fearful of my flesh. (It's so hard to remember that it's flesh when working in a field that recognizes it as so many other things such as environmental issues, psychological maladjustments, developmental impairments, obstacles, addictions, disturbed behavior, etc.)
Enough of that. I think that covers the main ones.
I don't know why I am so taken aback by these thoughts and emotions tonight but I am. I am.
Thursday, June 19
Thump. Thump. upon my head and heart.
Posted by deliveredjude at 12:01 AM
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8 comments:
I think that, despite your fears, that you will be an excellent spouse man.
The very fact that you have fear of "failing" at marriage shows how absolutely strong your desire for your marriage to prosper is.
As an already married fellow, I can tell you that marriage is work and even when you think you've got everything figured out, you don't. I still do things that make my wife want to strangle me to death. It's just part of marriage.
Now, I also know the nature of your "true freedom" you seek, and it is a hard find. But keep on seeking and working at it and you will find it. For me, it came when I realized I was standing at a fork in the road and I had 2 choices...the old life or the new one. No going back.
I love ya brother. you're doing great and you've come so far since our apartment days. We both have. You WILL make those good and right decisions. It's in your nature.
It's been great keeping up with ya, thanks for all the encouragement with everything. It's meant a lot.
Word out man!
well my friend i think you think too much------ ha-ha
i have been a spouse for 8 years and i have one thing for you to consider......
read " A New Earth " by eckart tollie and follow the instructions and you will do well.
aside from all that God willing I hope to see you stand at the alter and ms. Sarah take her place at your side.
Love ya Bro
Steve & Harlena
I'd be worried if you didn't feel like that.
That is all.
As always, I enjoy your honesty.
You won't be perfect -- the good news is: that's okay! Your wife-to-be already knows you aren't perfect. As it turns out, neither is she -- and that's okay, too =0)
I love your honesty and openness.
It's good that you're scared. And that you're willing to be open about it. If you weren't, I'd be worried. It's probably confidence that kills people, not nicotine. =)
Love you, friend.
hey man!
i change my blogspot address for privacy's sake.
hatewaslegend.blogspot.com
word out!
These are well founded fears my friend, but not impossible ones. Freedom always has extreme consequenses. That is it's nature, but the consequenses are many and varried. Some difficult to deal with some very rewarding and all good, sweet, and liberating. It goes along with this baggage you talk about. Part of that freedom is learning that you never have to carry your own baggage. For that matter baggage is often not neccessary, because God will provide.
Perhaps I speak out of turn, or I am not making things any better for you, or I simply do not fully comprehend your situation. But these are things I know to be true.
As long as you seek God, his path will always be before you. I only addressed the questions I felt confident in. I leave the heavier ones to wiser folks than me (such as Mr. J and Harlena). I'll be praying, and Rock on!
I used this verse earlier today actually: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
and yeah, totally normal!!
RYC: by MS I meant Middle School. I'd love to tell you I'm coming over near you cause it would be so cool to hang out. But alas, we're going to Houston...
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