My Brain on Blogs

So, anytime I sit down to write a blog post I realize my brain works like this video (complete with 80's sound effects).



I feel like there's so much heat and activity going on in the web, my brain just can not handle it. My synapses start firing like a jack rabbit in a field shooting out in all directions. It makes my blog self-esteem immediately go down that I can't stay on task anymore than a frustrated ADHD kid in a classroom.

A case of the Mondays

It seems like everyone had a case of the Mondays today. I am a little tired, but I have had an overall decent day. My apartment is less messy than it has been in a long time, and thus meaning my life isn't as badly out of control since they are positively correlated.

A trifecta of newness has restored my mind and body - an a prayerfully increasing degree - this chilly, but not cold enough Monday.

1) A resolute spirit that I will not let these classes, papers, negative characteristics, or life situations beat me to a pulp and cause me to fail.

2) A drive for that which is beyond me. God's Name and Kingdom, for my lovely one Sarah, and for our upcoming life together.

and number 3) is ..........drumroll...........The quiet zones of the library with no internet access. With the magnanomous stiumli reduction in my environment, my mind has little to no choice but to focus on the looming assignments that taunt me.

With these powers combined I will make it through December 13th when I am done with 4 out of 5 semeseters of graduate school (said the first generation college graduate), I have moved out of the last dormitory/school apartment style housing in my life to my present knowledge, and will be only weeks away from the blessed union of my beloved and me.

Let the countdown until the end of the semester and the coming wedding begin/continue/roll tide roll!

Flamin' Friday

Is there a gay gene that homosexuals are born with?

This is a frequently asked question in the world and church. Some homosexual people in the world hope the answer will be yes so that non-graceful, prejudice, judgmental people will leave them alone for the decision they couldn't help but make. Those that are homosexual - which in my opinion the term is on quite a sliding scale - within the church hope the answer is yes so that they will likewise not be judged for the sin they couldn't help but choose. On the other side of the barricade/pew are those that hope the answer is no. Some hope this so they can have a reason to judge those of a sin that is or is not their own. Some hope they will be justified in knowing that they were right that gays chose their lifestyle. Some feel it would provide them proof like The Case for Christ against the homosexual clan that is quickly destroying the structure of our nation and families faster than our capillaries are clogging with movie butter.

Well, now that I've covered some glittering generalities I'll let you in on my tew cents. I believe the answer is no and yes, however, I don't have the usual answers. I believe the answer is no because I think that having a gay gene is just ridiculous...which is a REALLY strong by the way. On the otherhand, I do believe there is a "gay gene." It's called human nature. From birth we are all rotten, spoiled, and putrid in and of ourselves and thanks to our parents (nice goin' mom and dad). Why do you think babies puke all the time, really?! Everyone has their different propensities toward different sins. Maybe this is a result of simply living in a fallen world. Maybe this is part of generational curses and the sins of the father coming onto the son/daughter (which I am very unlearned in this area in respect to the new covenant).

These are my thoughts, and I have a lot more on this topic and I hope to be consistent in writing about them to spur some non-elevated, mature dialogue concerning the topic. Tell me your thoughts.

A Dawn of Promise

I can't not express how filled with joy, exuberance, overwhelmption (which isn't even a word and I don't care. It's what I am.), hope, hope, hope, and more hope. I feel like God has pulled back part of the curtain of what He's been preparing me for for my whole life. I feel like my eyes have been opened. I sobbed with joy today for the first time in a very long time. Too many details to express here, but no my faithful friends and readers that I am filled with hope regardless of the outcome of my current situation. Rejoice with me and praise our God who is bigger than our myopic views and plans. All praise and glory to You oh Lover of my soul.

Quandry...it's like laundry, but more confusing...

I have had so many thoughts in my head the past few days I hardly no where to begin. Sarah's dad - for various unsaid reasons (to many of you, not to us) - has taken away his blessing from our marriage and has said that if we get married in January, he will not attend.

.........

That's all I got. That's it. I am left incredibly confused by the multitudes of questions assaulting my grey matter. I want to honor and respect her family in this, but I'm not sure what that equals in terms of the course of action.

Instead of airing unnecessary details which hurt us about the situation, I'm going to give thanks because I don't want to. I feel so angry, hurt, betrayed, and wronged in all of this. So...thanks.

Thank you God that you use what seems like the shittiest situations at time to bring glory to Your Name.
Thank you that you knew this was going to happen and the You have Your hands wrapped all over this situation.
Thank you God that my integrity has been called out that as the light of inspection shines in internally and externally I can be more refined and reflect you more.
Thank you that I am furious, that I can look to you for solutions rather than futile, sinful outbursts of rage and violence.
Thank you that we have been judged that You will defend us and prove Yourself in us true, though I don't know what that outcome will look like.
Thank you for family and how it shows me the importance of communication, vulnerability, and unconditional in general and for future in relation to my family and other families.
Thank you God that I have the skeletons that I do that Your name can be seen over my taboo past.
Thank you God for helping me avoid negative coping mechanisms.
Thank you God that you seem to be my decreasing my desire for the strongholds that have held me bound for so long. Praise Your name!

Ok, folks, what are you thankful for? And remember, we're called to give thanks in ALL things.

Observations

I must say that it is INCREDIBLY interesting to look at the Democratic rallies and see people of several races, but when viewing McCain's concession speech only glistening white faces could be seen in the crowd.

I am proud that White Heirarchy will no longer be seen as superior and dominant in this nation.

Congratulations Barack Obama

Well, the votes are in Senator Obama is now President Obama. The reign of President Bush will end on January 20th. I am excited for the victory for social justice this day. I am proud that I have seen the blood and tears of many's efforts during the Civil Rights Movement realized. I was moved when I saw an African American girl at my school's library running to tell her fellow study partners that Obama had won. She instantly pulled out her phone to begin the texting rampage. Soon, though, my stomach settled in my loins. While moved with joy, I am moved with anxiety. With so much talk of the "fulfillment of prophecy," the Democratic Congress and President, the tumultous economy and foreign fronts for our nation, I am nervous. I do not know that I would not feel exactly the same had McCain won.

Nonetheless, let us not forget that the One True God is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Let us not forget that we are first citizens of the Kingdom of God and Heaven and aliens in passing in this land.

God watch over us. May YOU be the harbinger of change above all. Help us to heed, obey, and follow You above all. Amen.

Surprise

It's Election Day in America. I know it can be wearisome to hear things about the election constantly, but, really, today is the crux of the matter.

Get your patukis (spelling?) to the voting booth (if you're registered) and cast your ballot. It is your civil right. People kill for this right. Use yours. I am going to use mine right now.

Go Ron Paul!

FYI:

ter·gi·ver·sate

1.	to change repeatedly one's attitude or opinions with respect to a cause, subject, etc.; equivocate.

2.	to turn renegade.

---

—Related forms

ter·gi·ver·sa·tion, noun

Happy Birthday Mom. Miss you ELT.

Man: "It's colder than a witch's titty out here."

Me: "How do you know how cold a witch's titty is?"

Man: "Your mother of course."

This man, ELT, was no other than my Dad. This is one of my favorite memories. He told me this in his single wide trailer where I learned to play poker, LOVE movies, and eat more bologna and cheese sandwiches than I could count. My dad said this not because my mother was a witch per se (although they were divorced, peacefully...overall), but because my Mom's birthday was on Halloween. Today.

This post goes out to you tew that made me possible through your love and lovin'.

Not only did my perverted dad teach me humor, so did my mom. Still, my mom's humor was of a different breed. Thus the rest of this post will be filled with candy corny humor. I am the fruit of his seed and her womb both literally and figuratively.

Where do ghosts mail their letters?
Answer: At the ghost office

What do you get when you goose a ghost?
Answer: A handfull of sheet!

Why did the ghost cross the road?
Answer: To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"

What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
Answer: He's mist

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Answer: Hoblin Goblin.

What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
Answer: A Sand-witch

What do you get when you cross sleeping beauty and Dracula?
Answer: Iron poor blood

Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Answer: She had bat breath.

Why are black cats such good singers?
Answer: They're very mewsical.

Ok, that's all I can hadle. Happy Halloween everyone.

Lessons from Above and Below

As I was meaning to type yesterday: the lesson I learned during all of this Larry Boy fiasco - told in the usual rabbit trail manner by which I speak and live.


Some constant struggles and questions in my life are: what does it mean to be a man? What equals masculinity? What does the Bible say about these issues? Well, my friends and blog acquaintences, I have found a worthy link that quenched and whet my appetite regarding these issues. It is the website for the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. The website is very thorough at fielding some answers to my last question/struggle listed. The council members include some major studs and studettes such as R. Albert Mohler, Jr., C. J. Mahaney, and John Piper to list just a few. You deicde who's the studette.


I spent quite a couple hours perusing this site once I found it. On it I read that the husband's role in the family, Biblically (b/c that is a tennet of their beliefs: that the Bible defines particular structural roles for the husband and wife in a marriage relationship), is to bear primary responsibilty for leading, protecting, and providing for the family. THANK YOU. Finally, someone to give me the answer. I had never heard this message so clearly and succinctly spelled out (literally, letter by letter).


Now, on with the story:
As I was sitting praying and thinking on what Sarah and I should do with the truck situation. My anger and frustration and uncertainty of what to do were quickly brooding. As this was taking place my brain and heart started looking for who to blame. It's her dad's fault for not helping enough, it's my fault for not being able to balance grad school and two jobs, it's her fault for not having a good enough job, it's the brother's faults, it's my family's fault....blah, blah, blah, the B.S. continued. All of those were thoughts that were out of anger and fear and just plain not true. (none of them Sarah, stop self-condemning.) The Lord struck me with a feathery 2x4 (which Galileo (I think) would assert hurt as much as a wooden 2x4, thank you very much) and said, "Hey, it's nobody's fault. It have orchestrated this to happen, and I will provide for you. Trust me." Then He proceeded to gently and swiftly bring to mind the thoughts from the CBMW (above website and organization) about how it is my role to bear primary responsibility for the family. Wow. I was stunned. Granted, Sarah and I aren't married yet, but I do think the "becoming one" has started, and as the wedding nears that definitely applies to our bank accounts. I realized that I had been looking at our relationship as more equalitarel. I looked for us to go into things (financially) evenly, half-and-half you could say. Maybe that wasn't wrong while we were dating to see things that way. But this train of thought could not continue into our marriage! It was a huge wake up call that God views me as responsible for the family. It's like a big ol' dose of maturity (or a call for one rather) sat right in my lap in my oober comfy, rust colored recliner (yep, the same one Cary).


This whole looking out for one's whole family instead of just one's self is a whole new brain shift for me. Seriously, it's like I have to view everything through a whole new lens (or set of them rather).


The morale of this story - because the world could just never do to have a morale less story *coNapoleon Dynamiteugh* - is read good and profitable websites, and those do not usually have uncovered, mammalian reproductive organs shown on there.